Exorcising the Probat LG5

Last Friday we met to conduct a volatile spiritual intervention involving dark matter and vapors. The crew was rightfully concerned.

We had about 150 hours into restoring a 1950 Probat LG5: disassembling, scraping, sandblasting, powder-coating, reassembling, (and anticipating). It was finally looking like a lovely, proper, and beastie little relic.

We set it in place and Tomas set to leveling it. 'Fact is, he personally had 100 hours into the project and this was his kind of milestone.

We lit the pilot light, powered up all 5 burners and set our souls to the seance.

You see, the drum was lined with 20 years of creosote that had turned to glass. We asked the foremost expert in the field how we should proceed, and he answered, "You gotta set it on fire."

He further detailed his own proprietary 24 step process for cleaning and re-seasoning the drum. Basically, you overload the drum and bring it to aggressive first crack, about 400 degrees. Cut the heat and let the temp drop to 200. (He also recommended bringing marshmallows and graham crackers, but I brought a mini-keg of Kulmbacher instead.)

Next step was to turn the gas on full bore and ramp up the temp again. The initial heating had driven the oils to the surface of the beans. The excitement intensified around 500F (259C) when those oils caught fire. We were instructed to maintain a chamber temp of 500F for 5 minutes, controlling the burn with shots from a garden hose.

The foul odor and billowing smoke were signs of progress. We were exorcising the core stench.

The water spray through the hole in the faceplate immediately vaporized and softened the funk. The burning beans absorbed the demon blood as the machine howled from every orifice, hissing and spitting, filthy mouth cursing.

In the middle of sixth crack.

Close-up of the certifiably inedible.

Once the situation had cooled down, we were able to hold the beans. There was nothing left but a feather-light cellulose cell structure. Lighter than packing peanuts and darker than charcoal. The ghost-busting had run its course.